"Conclusive Proof That P.T. Barnum Was Right: There are at least 4 million suckers who tune in every week when MTV's The Osbournes
passes off its tawdry tedium as something other than a #@!%& embarrassment."
rounding up the year in television
"And, please, stop fooling yourself: There is nothing pleasurable about such "guilty pleasures" as ABC's The Bachelor, CBS's Survivor
franchise, NBC's Fear Factor
and Fox's American Idol. ... These reality programs are little more than safe havens for the gluttonous, dull-witted and subliterate (and, OK, beautiful people); watching them you can literally feel your soul shrink, your life force disappear, your brain melt, your heart stop."
expressing his feelings on the ever-growing crop of reality shows
"Anna Nicole Smith (E!): The noxious muck under the bottom of the reality barrel, this loathsome exposure of a life of sloth disgraced all involved."
USA Today, ranking Anna Nicole Show as the worst new series of 2002
"The match between Maxim
and television is very obvious. You would have to be an idiot not to see it. Do you think with the number of readers that we have among young men that they wouldn't push a button and see what is on a Maxim channel?"
Felix Dennis, publisher of
The New York Times (Maxim
looks to launch Maxim Entertainment Network [MEN] on cable.)
"When something like 24
happens, you bow your head and say thank you."
Kiefer Sutherland to TV Guide on the success of his Fox show,
"The moment Greta got de-bagged—On the one hand, it was impressive that cable news anchor Greta Van Susteren had the guts to have her eyes done for the start of her new show. On the other hand, the change was so dramatic, one wonders where the real Greta Van Susteren is being held captive."
Barry Koltnow, The Orange County
(Calif.). Van Susteren was No. 5 on Koltnow's "Most Memorable Hollywood Moments in 2002" list.
"We resolve: ... We must find religion about The WB network, which quite often produces extraordinary programming but also foists upon us What I Like About You
and Reba. No longer will we remain torn about its merits. As a service to readers, we plan to immediately sit down over some tequila with Entertainment President Jordan Levin and ask, 'Is you is or is you ain't any good?' Probably with a loaded weapon and a Russian bear hug."
San Francisco Chronicle, sharing his New Year's resolutions for the newspaper's television section