Two Cents

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"I never pilfered anything. I'm 67 years old. This is berserk."

-CNN's Larry King replying to allegations that much of his USA Today column is taken from the Net, as reported in The Philadelphia Inquirer.

"Fair and balanced? Give me a break."

-The Nation's Daphne Eviatar, quoting a former producer on alleged conservative bias at Fox News.

"The Sunday television talk shows were focused on campaign-finance reform, but no one was rude enough to suggest that TV itself is at the heart of the problem."

-David Broder, of The Washington Post, on where soft money ultimately ends up.

"What? I don't have class?"

-Vince McMahon to Bob Costas during their head-to-head on HBO's On the Record With Bob Costas.

"Not a single executive from a television network would talk to us on camera, which did not surprise us until we learned that all the networks-including CBS-have invested in this new technology on the off chance that it is the wave of the future."

-60 Minutes' Mike Wallace, marveling over TiVo in a March 18 segment of the program that proclaimed that the personal video recorder will change the television business.

"HD Television deadline is an oxymoron. It's like Red Sox World Champions.'"

-Rep Edward Markey (D-Mass.), at a Washington panel hearing, as quoted in National Journal Congress Daily, remarking on the broadcast industry's 2006 deadline to upgrade to digital service.

"Papa would not be pleased."

-Mark A. Perigard, of the Boston Herald, on USA's treatment of Ernest Hemingway's short story After the Storm.

"The trouble with broadcasting, as I see it, is we get hold of these stories that are really not important to the future of the democracy: Princess Di, O.J. Simpson for heaven's sake, John John's accident at Martha's Vineyard. And we cling to these stories so long. We wear them out. We wear them to death, and they're not that important."

-Walter Cronkite, on Larry King Live.

"I tend to over-worry; I feel like my whole life is on the line when I do something like this. It's so important for me not to feel embarrassed and humiliated."

-Howard Stern, about his fears of producing Son of the Beach, as reported by Greg Braxton in The Los Angeles Times.

"It's the sexism of our culture. Men of a certain age are supposed to date women 20 years younger. So I am supposed to date a 70-year-old. I DON'T WANT TO DATE A 70-YEAR-OLD."

-Pittsburgh's WPTT-AM's Lynn Cullen, a middle-aged talk-show host, lamenting her dating options, excerpted from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.

"Maybe I'm being hard on them. But the good thing is that they are trying by hiring me. Their color-blind casting shows me that they are attempting to make an effort towards diversity."

-Gabrielle Union to New York Post's Don Kaplan. Union will be the first African-American actor to appear on NBC's Friends.

"Still, it's a kick: a half-hour of streaming real-estate porn. The fresh-cut scent of too much new money wafts over fleets of cars, indoor pools and drive-in-size TVs."

-Drew Jubera, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, on fascinating aspects of MTV Cribs.

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