Sage Advice From Family Guy's Stewie


Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane slayed ’em at Harvard earlier this month. At the school’s "Class Day," MacFarlane let his characters speak for him, with a 20-minute speech delivered in the voices of Family patriarch Peter Griffin, his evil-genius infant son, Stewie; and horndog neighbor Glenn Quagmire. The performance touched on such valedictory topics as urinating in shampoo bottles, roommate suicide and catching STDs (twice), with ample f-bombs to boot.

Under a steady rain, Peter Griffin saluted the students’ smarts, putting them in an intellectual pantheon with "Doogie Howser, Malcolm in the Middle, and Donatello of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." Stewie offered 10 life tips, including advice for those looking to create a TV series about people who crash-land on an island. "Don’t just make it up as you go along," he said, "because if you do, it’s going to start sucking very quickly."

Quagmire offered some sweet talk for the ladies. "I’ve banged chicks in every Ivy League school except Harvard," he said. "You are by far the toughest to get into."

Class Day, which occurs the day before commencement, typically features a humorous speaker (Ali G’s Sascha Baron Cohen and Will Ferrell spoke in recent years). Harvard declined to give a reaction to the presentation, and a Fox spokesperson said MacFarlane was suffering from tonsillitis and couldn’t come to the phone.

Serves Stewie right for playing outside in the rain.