President Leaves 'Em Laughing

Delivers the goods at last White House Correspondents Association dinner
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President Barack Obama delivered his eighth and last stand-up routing at the White House Correspondents Association dinner in Washington Saturday, and appeared relaxed and in fine form as he ribbed and tickled and skewered to the delight of a mix of D.C. and Hollywood stars.

Here is some of the best material from the Comedian-in-Chief:

"I was a little late tonight," the President said to open his stand-up. "I was running on CPT.... which stands for jokes that white people should not make." (That was a reference to Hillary Clinton's and New York mayor Bill DeBlasio's tone deaf joke about CPT, urban slang for "colored person's time.").

Obama, a basketball fan and former player, had some fun at the expense of sports-terminology challenged Republican candidate Ted Cruz. 'Ted had a tough week. He went to Indiana. Hoosier country. Stood on a basketball court and called the hoop a basketball ring. What else is in his lexicon? Baseball sticks, football hats? But, sure, I'm the foreign one."

This is a tough transition. It's hard. Key staff are starting to leave the White House. Even reporters have left me. Savanna Guthrie. She's left the White House press corps to host the Today Show. Norah O'Donnell left the briefing room to host CBS This Morning. Jake Tapper left journalism to join CNN."

"Eight years ago I said it was time to change the tone of our politics. In hindsight I clearly should have been more specific."

Commenting on how the presidency had aged him, he said: "Hillary once questioned whether I would be ready for a 3 a.m. phone call. Now I am awake anyway because I have to go to the bathroom."

But he suggested Clinton would have to ready for that call: "Next year someone else will be standing in this spot, and it's anyone's guess who she will be."

The President also thanked Vice President Joe Biden for his counsel, his friendship and "not shooting anyone in the face."

Pointing to former New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg, who was sitting with Joe Biden, the President said: "Mike, a combative, controversial New York billionaire is leading the GOP primary, and it is not you. That has to sting a little bit."

But he added that it was not an entirely fair comparison: "After all, Mike was a big city mayor, he knows policy in depth, and he is actually worth the money he says he is."

He introduced the "bright new face" of the Democratic party: Bernie Sanders," who stood and waved to the applauding crowd. "Bernie, you lok like a million bucks," the President continued, "or to put it in terms you'll understand, you look like $37,000 donations of 27 dollars each.

The President pointed out that Sanders' "Feel The Bern" slogan had fired up young people, but Hillary's not so much: Cut to a graphic of a rock being pushed up at steep incline and the slogan: Trudge up the Hill."

On Donald Trump's decision not to go to the dinner. "Is this dinner too tacky for The Donald.  What could he possibly be doing instead? Is he at home, eating a Trump steak, Tweeting out insults to Angela Merkle?"

The President said Trump had spent years meeting with leaders from around the world: "Miss Sweden, Miss Argentina..."

He did say that Trump's experience might come in handy in closing Guantanamo, because: "Mr. Trump knows a thing or two about running waterfront properties into the ground."

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