Letterman Suggests CBS Changes

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Use hookers to lure Tom Brokaw out of retirement? We didn't find that among CBS' announced changes in the wake of the 60 Minutes Wednesday report outlining problems with the story on President Bush's National Guard service, including a failure to vet the source of questionable memos.

Actually, that was one of the "Top Ten Proposed Changes At CBS News," from the staffers at CBS' Late Show with David Letterman.

The list, from last night's show:

10. Stories must be corroborated by at least two really strong hunches.

9. "Evening News" pre-show staff cocktail hour is cancelled until further notice.

8. Reduce 60 Minutes to more manageable 15-20 minutes.

7. Change division name from "CBS News" to "CBS News-ish"

6. If anchor says anything inaccurate, earpiece delivers an electric shock.

5. Conclude each story with comical "Boing" sound effect.

4. Instead of boring Middle East reports, more powerball drawings.

3. To play it safe, every "exclusive" story will be about how tasty pecan pie is.

2. Not sure how, but make CBS News more like "C.S.I."

1. Use beer, cash and hookers to lure Tom Brokaw out of retirement.