Copps Tweaks Incoming Chief


A la David Letterman's top-10 list, Democratic Federal Communications Commission member Michael Copps Monday spelled out what he thought would be the top five consequences of Kevin Martin running the agency.

During a luncheon speech to communications attorneys in Washington, Copps poked fun at

Martin's mentor--former FCC chairman and super-lobbyist and attorney Richard Wiley
Copps' own near-miss of the agency chairmanship by virtue of Republicans retaining the White House, Martin's youthful appearance, former FCC Chairman Michael Powell's penchant for hanging out at the swank Mandarin restaurant next door to agency headquarters, and the fact that Martin and Copps both got degrees from the University of North Carolina, which is in the NCAA final four.

According to Copps, here's what's in store during Martin's tenure:

5. With a Wiley, Rein lawyer as chairman, Dick finally gets some access at the commission.

4. Without [anti-consolidation activist] Jeff Chester as Media Bureau chief, my dream is dead.

3. The cashiers at the Mandarin will finally stop carding Kevin.

2. A garage sale for all the furniture I bought for the chairman's office the day before the election.

1. The FCC seal has been changed to Carolina Blue. All [arch rival] Duke  games are henceforth pre-empted by local affiliates. And if Duke ever, ever happens to beat North Carolina again, it is automatically fined for indecency.