Random Acts of Thinking

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OK, I've heard everything now.

It's like the ending to that sci fi short story, (was it The Nine Billion Names Of God,?) where the stars all start winking out when the monks chant the last name. I think the name O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here's How It Happened is that nine billionth name, and it's time for the TV stars to wink out, or to hide their lights in shame.

OK, a little too Zen. Here's my point. Fox is airing a special by that name. The premise, the same behind the book Simpson is hawking via the special, is that O.J. tells us how he would have brutally murdered his wife and another man if he had done it, which he says he didn't.

It's kind of like a Lizzie Borden Sleep-Away Lumberjack Camp.

I think my last fond TV memory of Simpson, the one that held on the longest, was a random clip of him with a warmup jacket draped over his shoulders, steam coming off him after a run through the icehouse that was Buffalo. It has now been wiped away.

Having watched a promo for the Fox sweeps special, I was transported–OK, dragged kicking and screaming–back to the days of Fox's schlockiest reality shows, like exposing magicians and medical anomalies, which were too numerous and unpleasant to mention.

You can take the mogul out of the tabloid, but you can't take the tabloid out of the mogul.

Still, I was watching that execrable promo during Fox's wonderful House, so there is hope for humanity yet. That show is the best damn drama show, period, and was even better last night combining David Morse's brilliant menace with the added bonus of John Larroquette, who I think is much better in drama than comedy all those best supporting actor Emmys notwithstanding.

To change the subject entirely, I watched a smidge ofABC's Show Me the Money, with Shatner camping it up where he ought to have been Denny Crain-ing it up. The Show Me the MoneyShot dancers were a combination of the Golddiggers circa 1968 and that scene in Apocalypse Now where the good intentions of the USO collide with the reality of men in a war zone.

The game is a campy–with Shatner,that's a given–rip-off of Deal or No Dealthat does not quite pull it off.

By John Eggerton

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