Fools' Paradise

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April Fool’s Day brought out the closet Onion writers in droves Friday.

CommLawBlog, the communications law blog of D.C. firm Fletcher, Heald & Hildreth led with the story of a “near-term” incentive auction the FCC had just-announced for some-nonspectrum-related items that could raise money in the interim, complete with a realistic recreation of an FCC public notice, all quite bogus of course. The giveaway was a big “Happy April Fool’s Day” at the bottom of the posting for those who scrolled down far enough.

Items include a “Bound copy of the National Broadband Plan (autographed, with personal greeting, by all Commissioners and Blair Levin)” for $2,500,000 in “digital dollahz [DD],” “DTV-to-Analog television converter boxes (100 per crate, five crate max.)” for $500,000 DD per crate and a “We Remember 18 U.S.C. §1464, FCC-produced compilation DVD featuring materials from the Enforcement Bureau’s vaults (includes tracks from NYPD Blue, Married By America, Schindler’s List, Saving Private Ryan, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the 2004 Super Bowl Halftime Show and others) (not available in stores)” for  $375,000 DD.

Elsewhere, the Benton Foundation led its communications e-mail aggregation of stories with one from “Wireless Alley Insider” about Verizon and AT&T combining to create a company with “approximately the gross national product of Denmark.”

Next there was the report, Peak Bandwidth, from Public Knowledge on the looming bandwidth shortage.

It was rendered in a low-resolution format intended to conserve bits and pitches the “sneakernet,” a way to conserve bandwidth by “transfer[ing] large amounts of computer data and other cumbersomely large or heavy files by copying them to optical disks, USB flash drives, or portable hard disks. You then walk them down the hall to your colleagues: Thus, sneakernet.”

Then there was the broadband blog VideoNuze, which posted a story about Netflix buying HBO and dissolving its channels into a streaming library for iPads only.

And while we are herer, here are my headlines and decks that did not make the cut for our own mock cover on last week’s book:

Bill Murray Funds Groundhog Channel
Iconic Film Will Repeat 24/7, 24 hours a day

FCC Abandons National Broadband Plan
‘Let’s Just Wing It!’ says Genachowski

Oops: FCC Finds lots of New Spectrum
Uncovers cache in unused storage closet

Fool’s Gold
New ‘Gold Rush Alaska’ spin-off follows pyrite miners

I know, don’t quit my day job. Well, until they start wrapping my sandwiches in road maps, as my old boss on the farm used to say, you’re stuck with me.