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Farewell 2011, Hello 2012

12/19/2011 12:00:00 AM Eastern
A new year begins
as we put one to bed
But meanwhile '11 made us
shake our head

Some years you can't
remember much that you saw
Yet this one had tumult
and power and awe

Storms and tsunamis,
disaster and flood
Like a nightmare that comes
from drinking tiger blood

Leaders removed and
new governments born

Bin Laden was killed-and

guess what: He liked porn

1219 Ode Bin Laden

Money's still short
and nobody knows why
It's frankly enough
to make one Occupy

And "weird" dominated
the Beltway arena
When Tweeting his briefs

brought down Anthony Weiner
1219 Ode Anthony Weiner

The run for the White House
was playing like Shakespeare
With GOP hopefuls
like so many reindeer

On Gingrinch, on Johnson,
Pawlenty and Bachmann,
On Romney, on Karger,
Santorum and Huntsman

1219 Ode Mitt Romney

I know there's at least
one more name and I reckon
Rick Perry will tell us-
just give him a second

Trump's play for the White House
was too quickly shorn
Though we have our doubts
that it ever was born

And pizza man Herman
Cain looked really glossy
Until all those ladies
made him seem too saucy

1219 Ode Herman Cain

There was also action
on the TV scene
And we're not just talking
about Charlie Sheen

With a smile and a wave
Oprah gave up her throne
Though she's busy now
with something of her OWN

Prince Will and Kate's day
was a bright fairy tale
No doubt our invite
just got lost in the mail

1219 Ode Kate and Will

And not to compare, but
we're glad to disparage:
We've taken sh--s longer
than Kris and Kim's marriage

J-Lo and Steve Tyler,
they kept Idol rating
(Could someone please translate
whatever he's saying?)

1219 Ode Idol

Piers Morgan Live (mostly)
had polish and flair
But Christine O'Donnell
gave him some dead air

Katie and ABC
will now be a combo
While Nancy Grace left her
show so she could mambo

1219 Ode Nancy Grace

Glenn Beck announced to the
world that he's leaving
Michael Moore was happy,
Jon Stewart's still grieving

Of course, for some folks it
seems all joy's a bitch
"We'll see you later,
Mr. Blagojevich!"

And what about Sheen winning!
Well, we say "no"
Just who does that guy
think he is, Tim Tebow?

1219 Ode Charlie Sheen

Charlie held his monopoly
on the insane
Till Alec Baldwin starred
in Flakes on a Plane
Again, it was enough

1219 Ode Alec Baldwin

to leave us all shocked
Our industry and our world
running half-cocked

But with seismic changes
and battles and news
All we want now
is some A's for our Q's

Have things turned around
or are we standing still
Or worse, are we
back-pedaling down a hill

That keeps piling higher
with joblessness, debt,
And mortgages filled
with such buyer's regret?

Just one silver lining would
feel like such bliss
Can't somebody please
make an app to fix this?

1219 Ode App

And yet, every New Year feels
like cleaning slate
Yes, we're naïve, but there's
cause to celebrate

Things could be much worse,
recently they were;
Maybe Black Friday
was one sign of a stir

We're cynical now 'cause
we all need to cope
But we're psyched to start
watching hype turn to hope

Whatever the outcomes,
we're waiting to see
The new world unfolding
on our home TV

1219 Ode Home TV

...or smartphone or iPad
or X-Box, whatever
When you add it up, the more
options the better

So let's fill our glasses

right there to the brim
With spirits raised,
we'll still keep
tuning right in.

November