Who knew we wanted cavemen anytime, anywhere?

Geico’s original “cavemen” campaign was funny enough. It didn’t bowl me over or anything, but it was amusing.

When ABC decided to turn the ad into a TV show, I scratched my head, not unlike a caveman actually. Why? Isn’t an occasional 30 seconds enough?

Now, ABC says the cavemen will be getting their own video podcast, launching on Tuesday, Sept. 18, and available both on ABC.com and iTunes. That’s pretty ironic. Cavemen on a podcast? Isn’t that like the Paleolithic era coming into direct conflict with the Digital Age? Wait, I guess that endlessly hilarious joke – early man forced to flounder around in modern times – is the whole point. (Just so no one ever says I don’t do research for this blog, I’ll have you know that I just did a Google search to match cavemen to their appropriate era.)

Called “Cavetalk,” the vidcast will involve “cavemen spokespersons Joel, Nick and Andy” answering questions that have “perplexed the ‘sapes’ for millenniums.’”

OK, here are some of my first questions for Nick, Joel and Andy.

Question 1: Why on earth did ABC greenlight this horrible show? I’ve seen the pilot – and I’ve also distributed it to my local TV focus group/friends – and we all agree that it’s godawful. Here’s a quick recap: One earnest caveman is trying to impress his fiance’s elitist father, so he and his hapless caveman friends go to a BBQ at the club. There they encounter all the grown-up white preppy frat boys-now-old-men in one place and act like asses but somehow manage to teach those SOBs a lesson about racism and tolerance. Of cavemen. Which we once were but are no longer due to evolution. 

Anyway, the show is ridiculous plus you can only look at that caveman make-up for so long. Like 30 seconds is more than plenty.

You can see this for yourself on ABC on Tuesday, Oct. 2 at 8 p.m. or I’m sure this piece of creative genius will be streamed somewhere soon if you start getting desperate. Or you can check out the video podcast on Sept. 18. I wouldn’t want ABC to think I’m being all negative without also including a good time-and-place plug.

Question 2: Why didn’t this ABC publicist look up “millenniums” when s/he wrote this press release? The plural of millennium is millennia. Already you aren’t making these cavemen look too good. Or maybe that was part of the joke, but I don’t really get it. It is certainly possible that caveman humor is too sophisticated for me.

I will give ABC some props. The network’s been great about using podcasting to involve viewers with its shows. Last year, I enjoyed listening to the executive producers of both Lost and Grey’s Anatomy talking about the intricacies of each episode, although of course they never answered any of the important questions like what were those women doing in that weird underwater station for all that time and why on earth did the Grey’s producers ever think we would buy superhot Izzie (Katherine Heigl) having a crush, much less being in love, with that stuttering wimp George (T.R. Knight)?

My understanding is that Cavemen – along with NBC’s Bionic Woman – has the most buzz of any of the new pilots. So my third question for the cavemen is why? No seriously, why? I  would like to know their thoughts about this. Perhaps they could grant me an understanding of pop culture I currently (and obviously) lack.

Just for the record, my picks for this year’s top pilots, video podcasts or no: ABC’s Pushing Daisies, CW’s Reaper and ABC’s Dirty Sexy Money. The third isn’t the world’s best show or anything, but it has a great cast, a great title and it’s super over the top. And no one appears in caveman make-up.