Ready for My Closeup, Mr. Burke

Think of it as scripted reality television, without the television part.

"If you've ever dreamed of starring in your own television show or wondered what it would be like to live the life of a small screen celebrity, get ready for your close up. Hollywood TV Star Fantasy Camp brings the dream of living the tinsel-town lifestyle into reality."

That is the come-on for a fantasy camp run by Tommy Burke, who lists CSI: Miami and the pilot of Desperate Housewives among his credits as an assistant director.

The five-day camp promises elbow rubbing with stars and execs, an appearance in a scene from a faux show, plus all the benefits of stardom, including "your own trailer room, with a star on the door, a cast chair with your name on it…professional photo shoot to be put on your own personal industry magazine cover [B&C, perhaps?], a press interview like the ones you see your favorite stars doing screening of your show awards ceremony, "wrap" party, a DVD of your performance."

What, no embarassing outburst, trip to the rehab clinic, mug shot posted on smokinggun, and attempted comeback on cheesy cable reality show? I want my money back.

By John Eggerton