Where to be and what to watch...

Would you like to “create an immediate impact on your multichannel performance?” Of course you would! So hop over to eTail 2006 in always sunny Philadelphia, as the online commerce confab goes down at the Downtown Marriott. “Action-oriented insight” is provided by Jay Herratti, senior VP of strategic planning, at Barry Diller’s InterActive Corp. As e-commerce execs swarm Philly, some creepy critters do the same on Fox. Swarms 2 offers “mounds of slithering serpents to hordes of insatiable locusts,” and enough cockroaches to make Joe’s Apartment look like Mr. Clean’s crib. The show debuts at 8 p.m. ET. Speaking of creepy-crawly premieres, Gene Simmons Family Jewels, featuring the KISS tongue-wagger and his erotic-film star partner Shannon Tweed, debuts on A&E at 10.

The NFL on CBS does Media Day at National Football League headquarters in New York. CBS News President Sean McManus heads up the suit brigade, while a jock squad that includes Phil Simms, Dan Marino and Boomer Esiaison prepares to talk about prevent defenses, West Coast offenses and safety blitzes. And a hearty congrats to Wolf Blitzer and CNN’s The Situation Room, which turns 1 today. Hopefully, the vibe is similarly warm and fuzzy at Cablevision and News Corp., both of which announce second-quarter earnings.

Earnings madness continues as Disney and Viacom share Q2 numbers. Will Bob Iger keep the Mouse flying like Dumbo? Will MTV Networks’ ad numbers rebound? Will Viacom chief Tom Freston stand by his bold earnings projections? We’ll soon find out. And do you find yourself in the market for a little spectrum? The likes of DirecTV, EchoStar, Liberty and Verizon start the bidding for spectrum at the FCC, paving the way for advanced wireless-video services. A frontrunner in the iPod-video revolution, Desperate Housewives hits New York; a PC game based on the show is on display at Media Oasis in midtown Manhattan.

The Mid-Atlantic chapter of the National Association for Multi-Ethnicity in Communications is getting together at the Hyatt Inner Harbor in Baltimore. “Growth and Stability in an Ever-Changing Cable and Telecommunications Environment” is the theme, and Michael Ortman, VP of programming for Comcast Eastern Division, is the speaker. Out in Los Angeles, there’s a screening for The Ron Clark Story at IPG Emerging Media Lab, with Matthew Perry as a teacher in a rough school who truly cares—because there haven’t been nearly enough movies about teachers in rough schools who truly care. And if you truly care about Making the Band 3, tune in for the season finale at 8 p.m. on MTV. Diddy’s latest ensemble Danity Kane—that would be Aubrey, Aundrea, Dawn, Shannon and Wanita—try to coexist.

Only 920 days until those analog TVs go dark! The National Telecommunications and Information Administration offers an overview of the Converter Box Coupon Program at the NOAA Auditorium in Silver Spring, Md. And there’s nothing quite like Sin City in August, as the Red Rock Chapter of the Society of Cable Telecommunications Engineers holds its Vendor Day at the Texas Station Hotel in North Las Vegas. Speaking of not being able to stand the heat, do you enjoy watching 11- year-olds buckle under extreme pressure? Then check out the Little League World Series on ESPN at 7 p.m. First round of Cracker Jacks are on us!