Moonves Disses Zucker Again… and Again

Before CBS Chairman Les Moonves got around to knocking his arch­rival, NBC Universal Television Group President Jeff Zucker, at CBS’ upfront presentation last week, he warmed up at a press breakfast.

In less than an hour, we counted 11 jabs that Moonves took at Zucker, most of them self-serving. Unlike the previous back-and-forth sparring between the two, Zucker—perhaps preoccupied with his network’s fourth-place finish in the 18-49 demo—went relatively Moonves-free during his appearances.

A sampling of Moonves zingers:

• “Not to be accused of being cruel, but Joey is down 59% from Friends in 18-49, because that’s all they care about. Will & Grace and The Apprentice are each down more than 40%, and they renewed this schedule intact.”
• On CSI: Miami, he said, “Its only competition is Medium, which by the way Paramount produces [like CBS, part of Viacom]. We were very glad to give Jeff Zucker his only hit of last year.”
• “I thought it was interesting that, at the upfront, Jeff Zucker actually said that Law & Order performed so well, it actually cut into the CSI: New York lead. What he forgot to say was that they were on the air for 15 years, and this was a new show.”
• Moonves, however, did have one bit of praise for NBC, saying they made a smart move buying football for Sunday nights.

As part of the time-honored tradition of upfront week, TV’s big stars skewer their own networks in well-oiled comedy routines. They typically acknowledge what people in the business are saying, but somehow it’s funnier coming from a standup comic. Here are some more memorable moments from the upfront circuit last week:

ABC late-night host Jimmy Kimmel, of Jimmy Kimmel Live, who ribbed the network at last year’s upfront, had some kinder words this time around. “ABC is on a roll,” he said. “Now we have to figure out how to screw it up.”

Kimmel saved his best jab for the competition: “I told SuperNanny I’d be home by midnight. We have to pack everything and get it over to Fox so they can pitch it as their fall schedule.”

Comedian Chris Rock, whose childhood in Brooklyn inspired new UPN comedy Everybody Hates Chris, poked fun at the network’s branding. “UPN is 'where the girls are at and the boys want to be,” he said. “And it is not a strip club.”

Saturday Night Live’s Amy Poehler and Tina Fey, in a special edition of “Weekend Update,” took swipes at NBC and its rivals. “Buy ad time on NBC,” Fey implored advertisers, putting a positive spin on NBC’s fall from first place in the 18-49 demo to fourth. “Out of 100 channels, we’re No. 4, and that’s pretty good!”

Poehler also played TV critic. “Two and a Half Men—that’s how many people it would take to hold me down to watch it,” she said of CBS’ hit sitcom.

As you digest the hype from last week’s network presentations, B&C offers reminders from the 2004-05 season that were lauded by network executives last May but never lived up to expectations.

Dr. Vegas , CBS: Les Moonves hyped this Friday-night drama, which featured Rob Lowe as a Las Vegas doctor. “It’s a traditional medical show during the day, and during the night, he sleeps with chorus girls and gambles. What could go wrong with that?” he said. A lot, it turned out. Afflicted by mediocre ratings, Dr. Vegas crapped out by November sweeps.

Father of the Pride , NBC: “This is an adult comedy, much on the level of Shrek,” NBC Universal Television Group President Jeff Zucker said. The animated Pride which cost a sky-high $2 million an episode, tumbled every week and was toast before Election Day.

The Mountain , The WB: The teen drama—think Dawson’s Creek in Aspen—looked promising, but viewers didn’t make the trip. At The WB’s upfront, then-CEO Jordan Levin said, “We believe there is nothing but upside by leading off Thursday night with a show as big and juicy as The Mountain.” By January 2005, however, The Mountain had crumbled.

Tru Calling , Fox: This thriller was paired with sexy soap The O.C. on Thursdays and waited for ratings sparks. “We think it will be as successful as when we paired Beverly Hills: 90210 with Melrose Place, “ then-President of Entertainment Gail Berman said. Not quite. Tru Calling never got the right numbers. At least, The O.C. still rocks.