Two Cents

"If we are to penetrate the fog of the real war, journalism must be the clear victor over the inherent need of TV to impose its surefire entertainment formulas, its proven arsenal of slick storytelling and rousing characterization, on a reality that may not be nearly so neat."

Frank Rich, The New York Times

"Sounds to me like some rats at my former network NBC are spreading some lies about me. They can't compete fair and square on the battlefield, so they're trying to stab me in the back. … I'm having a great relationship with the 101st Airborne, and I intend to march into Baghdad alongside them!"

Geraldo Rivera, just before the military kicked him out of Iraq for revealing sensative information.

"Why didn't someone tell us we could kick out Geraldo?"

Craig Kilborn, CBS's Late, Late Show

"Today, the Spice Channel said no more ménages à trois."

Tonight Show host Jay Leno, joking about out-of-control boycotts against the French.

"You know you're in the house too long when Dr. Phil starts making sense."

David Letterman, referring to his month of bed rest while recovering from shingles.

"All things considered, MSNBC and Olbermann are a match made in heaven; the network changes strategies about as often as he changes jobs."

Lisa de Moraes, The Washington Post, on Keith Olbermann's return to MSNBC.

"So far, meanness on TV, in the so-called reality genre, has included such reprehensible lows as sinking 'Downtown' Julie Brown into a water tank filled with leeches on ABC's I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here!, feeding people maggot-infested cheese on NBC's Fear Factor and exposing contestants and viewers to the alleged wit and wisdom of Lorenzo Lamas on ABC's Are You Hot? The Search for America's Sexiest People."

David Bianculli, New York's Daily News, during a rant against Sci Fi's Scare Tactics.

"When this gray-haired grandmother gives suggestions to a caller on how three willing partners might accomplish a sex act for which two are usually sufficient—well, at times like that, her plainspoken, often playful style can make your jaw drop."

Frazier Moore, The Associated Press, on Oxygen's Sue Johanson's Sunday Night Sex Show.